It feels terrible to leave it behind but I feel there is largely no other choice. I feel paralyzed with the idea that this blog is so public and has such a history, and it’s not conducive to a healthy environment (neither was what I wrote but really that’s neither here nor there). I will leave it up so that I can always come back and look at it and be ashamed of myself (I’ve had it for three years and, in the beginning, it was literally just a diary so there’s a lot of writing I don’t want to lose, if only to embarrass myself later in life) but I will not be posting. I have a few things in the queue and I’m not sure if they’ll be posting or not.
Tumblr really is, to make a pun, a utopia for me; this utopia, and we say here that we “are our urls” so I’m sad to see this one go. I named it thisutopia, originally, because I was literally in the middle of a history class and we were talking about literature. It’s been with me for three years. Honestly it’s like my name.
It feels especially awful because I follow about 700 blogs on here, the majority of which I am going to lose because like hell I am shuffling through all of that. And the fact that it took me three years to accumulate my measly 120 followers that I am now going to lose. Not to mention all the liked things and my tracked tags.
In any case, it’s better to get a fresh start right? I am hesitant to give out the names of my new blogs as, though I have absolutely learned my lesson and will watch that what I post gives out no personal information or slander of my peers, I am, oddly enough, more comfortable with friends I have back home and, honestly, strangers on the internet following me than people I go to school with who are completely open to reading and shuffling through my things and never saying a word to my face even in friendly passing (as rampant as the issue of my blog has been, no one has come forward and said a word to me. It’s just different when I have the capacity to see your face, you know?).
You’ll find, when you’re as deep into tumblr as I am, that people here are much more open to, well, everything, than people are in person. There’s a sense of faceless comradeship here and I find that most of us don’t want to break that seal. There’s an idea of trust that you just don’t get with the masses, even if you have them in classes or you pass them all the time at dinner. This is a community of people that want to be submerged in the things they like, things other people have made, even if that just happens in dumb text posts and gif sets, and it fosters a strange dynamic that has really become a major staple in my life. That’s what tumblr means to me, and that’s what I’m trying to seek out. My intention was never to hurt anyone; my intention, was to have a place where I could come and break down, but also heal with, just, you know, a deluge of things I like; music, movies, tv shows, art, writing, whatever. I’ve worked very hard to construct a place here that gives me that while keeping me informed and widening my world-view. That’s hard to find anywhere else, and I think it’s what makes tumblr so special.
However, in order to also foster a sense of trust among those who I do encounter everyday who might still be lurking around this blog (I mean I highly doubt there’s anyone, it’s been a week), I would like to invite you, whether you be a peer or a follower, to message me and I’ll give you the name of my new blog. Be forewarned, it’s a fan blog. You’d be better off following it if you like Avengers and Supernatural, among other things, and not my snarky, insulting text posts, as posts will still be snarky (I have inherent snark), but they will not be insulting, so far as I can conceivably manage (aka, I’m not a care bear, and I hold fast to the belief that not everyone deserves a hug. Prime example; Hitler). Also, if you were around for my crap poetry and writing, I have a blog for that too, now. But, with that, you should know that largely I only have pretty pictures and the writing of others on there; I will hardly be posting and it will be attempts (I guess) at contributing culturally. Basically I’m saying that if you were around for the “updates” and the insults, kindly leave me alone as that will not be a function of my tumbling any longer. Of course, this is public domain (has that ever been drilled into my head the past week) and you don’t have to. I’m just suggesting. What’s bothered me a lot about this situation, is that not only were those text posts public property, but so was all the blogging in between. That’s just extremely embarrassing and inconvenient.
I would like to slip it in here that I assume that most people just popped around here by typing in the link, in which case I might suggest starting your own tumblr and you’ve only seen, proverbially, a glint on the surface of what it can do as a website. I realize this isn’t the best introduction to it— nerdy, cruel kid suggesting it— but really; I like to think that reading has been one third of my education, school another, and tumblr the last. I’ve learned more here, and been more politically informed, than I have anywhere else. I’ve learned that there’s a whale somewhere in the world that sings at a frequency that no other whales can hear, causing it to live out it’s days in solitude. I’ve learned that, in reality, over 80% of Americans pay income tax, and that’s been fact checked. I’ve learned that it’s socially acceptable to call Mitt Romney mittens. I’ve discovered my favorite books, authors, cartoonists, and poets. I’ve found good friends, including an Israeli girl who I met when she was just starting her mandatory military service and a British girl who actually met Benedict Cumberbatch (I mean, we talk. We’re basically acquaintances), which is a much larger global outlook than a Southern teenager (which I am) usually achieves. I’ve gotten a better self image and a better outlook on my life from this website by following fat-positive blogs and social justice blogs (though those get a little antsy sometimes). I’ve been introduced to countless things I love now, including Sherlock and Supernatural. There’s a wealth of information and entertainment here that so little of our generation, or, for that matter, the world, knows about. We’re not just a collection of screaming nerds, though we are, definitely, that too. We want to know things. We want to read and get excited about the God Particle and spread around scientific articles on tons of gallons of water suspended out in a galaxy in the far reaches of space (that’s real, by the way). Yes, it will swallow your free time at first, but when you learn to balance it, it becomes a very magical place. I took that for granted, and here I am. So learn something, I suppose, is my message here.
In any case, I should REALLY be writing an essay on Plato right now, so I have to split.